Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wow bdsm is so cute
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
