why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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