good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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