bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
