I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I color on your dick again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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