Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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