Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
