I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
