my phone needs a breathalizer
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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