I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ok first of all what the fuck
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
