I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
