We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would ride that face into the sunset
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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