found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
