Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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