Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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