Do you still have your period?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
