people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize