dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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