i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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