Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
