I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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