ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
