Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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