considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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