i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
