Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My vagina is officially offended.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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