Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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