The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
