I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
