would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
