You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
