Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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