i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
