dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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