I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize