Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
