When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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