I want to walk on stilts...naked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize