What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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