He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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