I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
