you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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