We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
