why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
