Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
