How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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