i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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