how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
