I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
