im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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