anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize