I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize