I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
