im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
