Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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