My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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