What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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