I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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