No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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