That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
