dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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