i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
