batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk is not a location!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
