My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
