you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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