Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
