oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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