Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
