Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i think im in europe. pls send help
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
