I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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