What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
