I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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