I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
