Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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