I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
